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                    我以朋友的名義,愛了他好多年

                    時間:2017-11-02 來源:原創 作者:一尺素 閱讀:9
                      

                      文/一尺素qq1550963284
                      首發公眾號《零度物語》
                      
                      周杰倫把愛情比喻成龍卷風,很貼切,因為很多人,一輩子都沒見過龍卷風,見過的,不死必傷。
                      
                      1/
                      
                      我剛下班,接到老楊電話,他語氣聽起來有些低沉,說:“老姚,晚上,我們老地方見!”
                      
                      所謂的老地方不過是后街的燒烤攤。我和老楊十幾年的朋友,不過我們一點都不老,才奔三。以前每次有喜事慶;蛘哌^不去的坎都會相約去燒烤攤,互訴心事。
                      
                      我趕到時,老楊的臉通紅,看來已經喝大了。剛抽出凳子坐下,他便一只手抹眼淚,一只手扯我胳膊,說:“老姚,你說我是不是很差勁啊,女朋友都特么跟別人跑了?”
                      
                      我把被風吹得凌亂的長發往后撩了撩,假裝若無其事,抓起桌上的羊肉串撕了幾口,“說吧,這次又怎么了?”
                      
                      他哭得像個孩子,看來這次他是認真的了。他越傷心,我越心痛。
                      
                      想起那句話:得不到的永遠在騷動,被偏愛的都有恃無恐。正如老楊對他女友,我對老楊。
                      
                      
                      2/
                      
                      在學生時代,老楊趁著有幾分姿到處撩妹,我是他的信使,也是他的擋箭牌。
                      
                      高二那年,學校要舉行元旦晚會,我本不想參加,但班主任放話了必須參加。沒辦法,我只好硬著頭皮,放學后和同學一起在教室排練節目。
                      
                      隔壁班的老楊來找我一起回家,眼睛卻直勾勾地盯著我們班班長,我也沒想到從來板著臉的班長唱歌會那么好聽。
                      
                      從此老楊便瘋狂追求,找我替他寫情書,要我了解班長的喜好和習慣。以陪我排練為由,正大光明地帶著可樂和零食討好大家,主要是為了討好班長。
                      
                      后來,他們在一起了,但沒過多久,因為不合適又分開了。
                      
                      3/
                      
                      老楊有好幾任女朋友,性格特點完全不一樣。我問過他到底喜歡什么樣的女生,他說長頭發,有點粘人,會做飯的,這樣的女生都行。
                      
                      高中畢業后我開始留長發,在大學的空余時間也學了不少廚藝。老楊已經算是情場老手了,看到我這些變化,卻假裝看不見。他知道我心里的秘密,卻假裝不知道。
                      
                      不過這樣也好,沒有捅破那層窗戶紙,依舊可以是最好的朋友。
                      
                      直到工作了,老楊約我去燒烤攤。他帶著他女朋友媛媛去了,現在應該也是前女友。剛看到媛媛時,我很意外。她沒有長發,也不粘人,一身黑色皮衣,雙手揣在口袋里,看起來很酷,反而是老楊樂呵呵地摟著她的肩。
                      
                      老楊舉起右手,豎起三根手指頭,說:“老姚,你是我最好的朋友,給我做個見證,如果以后我沒有娶媛媛,這輩子我都不結婚了!彪S后在媛媛臉上吧唧親了一口,媛媛嫌棄地看了他一眼。
                      
                      4/
                      
                      在和媛媛初次認識后,感覺她不像其他女生那樣,看到我和老楊要好的關系,對我表面一套背面一套?杉词故沁@樣,我還是像以前一樣,在他有女朋友時,自動遠離,怕他女友誤會。即便他像平常一樣約我吃飯,我也會找各種借口拒絕。
                      
                      自從老楊和媛媛在一起后,他像變了一個人。經常在朋友圈秀他和媛媛的合照,他聽說有一個會拍照的男朋友的女生有多幸福,便在網上找課程學習拍照,學習修圖。他以前從來不在朋友圈秀恩愛的,說太俗。
                      
                      媛媛對老楊說不上很好,也沒有很差。偶爾會因為老楊一頓可口的飯菜感動,但大多時候都是冷冰冰的,她忙于工作,野心不小。
                      
                      這個世界就是這么奇妙,原本花心的人到最后反而最癡情。老楊沒什么遠大的志向,工作也是得過且過,遇見媛媛后,卻開始努力工作了,他害怕跟不上她的腳步,害怕她會嫌棄他,所以拼命往前趕。
                      
                      媛媛生日那天,老楊邀請了許多朋友在家里過,我也去了。媛媛和她的朋友坐在客廳聊天,老楊在廚房忙晚飯,我幫他打下手。
                      
                      老楊進進出出,一會兒給她們倒茶,一會兒給她們洗水果,忙地不亦樂乎。最后,餐桌上有一桌子的菜,大多數都是媛媛喜歡吃的,老楊坐在她身旁,不停地給她夾菜。
                      
                      大家都在說真羨慕媛媛有這么好的男朋友,是的,我也挺羨慕。我記得老楊以前說想要找個會做飯的女朋友,結果到最后,是他想要管住媛媛的胃和她的心。
                      
                      他和我聊天是這樣說的:“媛媛和其他女生不一樣,她不粘人,我卻時時刻刻想見她,想為她做好一切,想把所有的好都給她,即便她對我無動于衷。只要我愛她就行了!
                      
                      看著他拼命討好媛媛的樣子,我難受得要命。
                      
                      5/
                      
                      以前的回憶歷歷在目,如今,看著老楊痛哭的樣子,我倒希望他還是那個吊兒郎當,什么事都一副自信滿滿的老楊。他說:“為什么我這么努力了,媛媛還是要離開我,我一心一意對她,她還是和初戀走了!
                      
                      或許媛媛從來沒不喜歡過老楊,那時候媛媛正和初戀分手,為了氣她初戀,便答應了老楊。即使老楊的好無可挑剔,可畢竟抵不上初戀的一句話:我知道錯了,你回來吧。
                      
                      后來,老楊趴在桌上,嘟囔著什么。我說:“為什么你就看不到我呢?為什么我愛的人在別人眼里什么都不是!崩蠗顩]說話,不知是真醉了,還是假裝睡了不想回答。
                      
                      其實我也知道,我和老楊永遠不會成為情侶,彼此熟得像左右手,沒有沖動,也沒有激情。還是當朋友吧,不會分手,不會離開,不會成為熟悉的陌生人。我會試圖放過自己,去尋找另一片藍空。
                      
                      時過境遷,歲月轉瞬即逝,在美好年華里,我們已經不動聲色地長成了大人模樣,有快樂,也有遺憾。但永遠不會忘記,在我心里,曾以朋友的名義深深地愛了一個人好多年。
                      

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